She Speaks | A Let Her Speak Podcast
She Speaks | A Let Her Speak Podcast
Making Yourself a Priority with Amy Moden & Dr. Dasha Lundy
Do you make yourself a priority? For many, putting yourself as a priority can sometimes be an afterthought, a "nice to do" if you have the time and energy after doing all the other things and tending to everyone else.
That's one of the topics that Dr. Dasha Lundy and Amy Moden dive into in this latest episode. Amy is a graduate of the Let Her Lead program and Dasha was her coach this year.
Not only do they dive into putting yourself as a priority, but they also discuss self-care, the need to have to pour into yourself, and the fact that taking care of yourself is not selfish whatsoever, especially when you need to show up as a leader and guide others. Amy also shares the journey she's been on of calling herself a leader and truly owning that title.
If you are someone who has trouble putting yourself first, pouring back into yourself, caring for yourself, or looking at yourself in the mirror and recognizing the leader that you are - you're really going to love this conversation.
Tune into this amazing conversation between Dasha and Amy.
About Season 2 of the She Speaks Podcast:
Throughout Season 2 we will be featuring the graduates and mentors/coaches in our first cohort of the Let Her Lead program. Each woman you will hear from throughout this season embarked on a 12-week journey in late 2023 to gain new skills and insights to become the leader SHE wants to be.
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Learn More About YWCA of Knoxville & TN Valley
Connect with Dasha:
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Learn More About Dasha
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You're listening to She Speaks, a Let Her Speak podcast that celebrates women's fearlessness, resiliency, and readiness to change the world. [Music] Welcome back to the She Speaks series.
This is Catherine Porth, the founder of Let Her Speak. And throughout this season, we are diving into the graduates of our Let Her Lead program as they have conversations with both their mentors and their coaches about the evolution and transformation they've all been going through over the last few months while a part of this program.
For some of you, I can completely understand if you do not put yourself as a priority. priority, and that's a question I'd like to ask is, do you make yourself a priority every single day?
Do you make yourself a priority maybe once a year, or can you not remember the last time that you actually made yourself a priority? That's one of the topics that Dasha Lundy and Amy Moden dive into.
Amy is the graduate of the program and Dasha was her coach this year. And not only do they dive into putting yourself as a priority, but they also really talk about self -care,
the need to have to pour into yourself, and the fact that that is not selfish whatsoever, especially when you need to show up as a leader and lead others. And then Amy also dives into the journey that she's been on of calling herself a leader and truly owning that title.
So, for those of you who have trouble putting yourself first... pouring back into yourself caring for yourself and looking at yourself in the mirror and recognizing the leader that you are,
you're really going to love this conversation. So let's dive into it with Dasha and Amy. We should go back to the beginning when we first met.
met. I think for me, starting off, I was a little bit nervous about who was going to be my mentor,
only because I feel like sometimes my guidance, I really want to make sure that who is leading me is someone that I would want to be led by,
and so meeting you, not only just with your accolades. accolades but your faith really let me know that this was meant to be. Yeah I totally felt the same way when even when Catherine called and well emailed me about texting me about coaching and I like it's something inside of me said it's time for me to be more of a mentor I'm very scared of becoming a mentor and having that type of of role or a coach.
And I'm like, oh man, like maybe God is saying this, I need to do this. So it was a nervous moment for me too.
Cause I, leadership is hard altogether, but you know, being a county commissioner and all the stuff I've been through the past year, I'm like, am I ready for this? But when I met you,
I said, okay, this was the match. - Yeah, I think the words that you said were, this was ordained. And I felt like, yeah, that was that.
That's how I felt. - So what do you think, what has changed inside of you as a leader in the community?
- Wow, I would say a lot. Bits from the cohort and from our conversations, just being grounded and knowing that you never arrive as a leader.
It's something that is within all of us. I think in one of our conversations you had talked about, I'm a leader in my household. And it was like, wow.
wow, when I just put that template over my work life, it's like, I really am a leader already. I'm already doing all of these things. And so I think confidence,
my confidence has grown in just being strong in, in, in what I think, in my decision making and all also allowing my empathetic side and the softness that I have as a leader to not let that be,
I don't know how you would say, like not a negative, that it's a positive, it's like one of my strengths. - That's what I think women make best leaders, no offense to males that may be listening to this podcast.
- Yes, but there's a reason. rule that try to criticize us. If we do cry or show emotion, but that's compassion. It's the tough balance to find that softness and always say walking your authority also be a boss,
but still have that softness. It's a tough balance. Yeah. But I think you have it. You had some challenges at work. - Yes.
- And you might work 'cause you know, sometimes you have to release the burden of others and that's the other part of being a leader. - Yeah. - Is not caring everyone's burden.
- Yeah. - And trusting that they will find their path. - I think too, one important lesson you taught me was to slow down.
down. I feel like with my role, it's hard for me to say, okay, I need to take a second. I would always push like my needs back.
You know, I would skip lunch or stay up late working on the computer. It just, everything started blurring together. And so I remember that session where we were sitting at the hotel and,
I just, instead of doing all of the things I was gonna do that day, I took that day to go out to IAMs and to just take time for me and-- - And I think it was a holiday and you was supposed to be off.
- Yeah. - And she didn't know that she was off that day. Which is really sad. - Yeah, I'm still scheduling meetings. Like, oh, I can fit some things on.
on on my holiday. - I'm really big, I'm really big into self care. - Yeah. - And I like, we can't pour until we pour into ourselves. - Yes.
- And many people think it's selfish. I remember somebody criticized me 'cause this past summer, I turned my phone. I don't do not disturb for a whole month.
(laughing) Even my mom was mad at me. a month, a whole month. It was so liberating to me. But I knew if I can't take care of me,
I like everybody out here gonna get a war. - Yeah. - And I didn't need to start a war at that time. But it's really important 'cause I think that makes us think clearer as leaders.
- Absolutely. And I remember you texted me after, you took the afternoon off and went to the park. - Yeah, it just, it really did refill my cup and it just showed me how important it is to take that time for myself.
Another thing that I can remember that you helped break a habit of creating lists. So I've always been a huge list person. I have a list every day for what I need to get done and then all my cats.
and then at home and the anxiety that it would give me when I wouldn't check everything off that list. And then when we dug deeper into that,
just, you know, to think I don't have to put that pressure on me to get everything on my list done, but to really be fluid in what the day brings in accomplishing what I can.
And I'm still practicing that and it's just been so liberating. - I was wondering how you felt about that after really putting it to practice of not being so married to the list and it's okay to make it what life happens to.
- Yes. And I think releasing myself from that expectation, it just made me a happier person. person at home and at work, too.
Like, you know, if somebody was coming in and I was working on something for my list, it was like I felt interrupted. And I want to be present with the people that are coming to me.
And I want to be available and accessible, you know, no matter what. So I really needed that. And I hope that you've noticed that once you kinda divorce that list a little bit,
that everything works out. - It does. - Whatever it was supposed to get done that day, it got done. - It got done. - And if it didn't get done, it probably wasn't meant to be for that day.
- Yeah. It's like the work never ends. There's something that will be done every day. - Mm -hmm. But just not having the list of,
I don't know, that's like the perfectionist in me wanting to get all of that done. But I love it. Yeah. I love it.
Yeah. Is there anything else you can think of? I think another thing that you and I both really connected on was our faith. faith and how to navigate that in a world that maybe doesn't believe the way we believe in certain things.
And I think a statement that you made about speaking into people's light is something that we all can do regardless of what we believe. I know I've shared with you a lot about hidden and plain sight.
and that's, you know, something as a leader that I want to do. I want to speak to the light in people and be set apart and stay strong in what I believe.
And so it was really nice having someone as a mentor and leader in the community who has those same beliefs that it shows me that it is possible that I can do that too.
Thank you. - Yeah, I think that's been the most humbling experience just being around you is knowing, 'cause sometimes leadership is very lonely.
And I never grew up with a mentor or a coach. And I always felt convinced that become that mentor that you wish you would have had.
And it makes it worth it to be able to sew in and give away, I hope I'll start crying. (laughing) To give to other people. 'Cause my dream has always been to raise up leaders 'cause we have a community that's suffering.
- Yeah. - And having that boldness, especially as women, again, I hate to. to continue to say that, but sometimes people devalue us as leaders and don't respect us as leaders.
So just knowing all this stuff, I've been through as a leader publicly, privately, and being able to soul into that. I think it just makes people, or hopefully,
it makes people. made you feel, I guess, more relaxed, calm, and confident as you walk in your leadership space. - Yeah, I think before light.
- Meeting you, I didn't really see anyone doing anything that wasn't connected to like a faith -based organization leading in the community.
And not that I have an issue with, you know, faith -based. organizations, but I just don't think that's my path. - Right, yeah. - And so to see it in the context of, you know, what you're doing with the city and,
you know, in my position, it's like, there's still a space for us, even if we're not connected to, like. - Yeah, 'cause I always say love belongs everywhere. - Yeah.
- So it's not really just spreading the faith of a certain religion, mm -hmm, but, but, belongs in every space that we can. - Yeah.
- And we lead, so. - Yeah, just the peace of your presence and how you talk. I mean, I was talking about that at our diversity day events of, you know,
after you were talking and just looking around, like the presence that you bring is that of peace. And so it's been really nice to be here. under you over these last few months learning,
soaking up all your wisdom. I hope I didn't teach you any of my bad habits. No, no, no, no. I don't know about those.
That is so funny. I'm getting better because it's hard. It gets frustrating. And sometimes you just want to go in and tell us, like, you know what, I'm done with all you all.
right now. I can only imagine. - Then you sit and you rest and you do self -care. It's like, okay, it's time to get back out there. - Yeah, yeah.
- People lead with the hurt. Like as far as when you think about the people you serve, a lot of people are hurt. - Yes. That was part of recognizing people's gifts.
But if you look at it through the lens of we're loving them, it really does change how you lead. At least it did for me.
It gave me more patience and, I don't know, motivation to continue the good work, even though it's hard sometimes as a leader.
- Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. - And also, yeah you are alone in your own little world so always going back to filling your own cup and necessity.
That should be I believe it's a daily practice and I make it a daily practice and you know I talk about my journal I always carry my journal People are starting to know this now.
They're like, oh, she always carries that. I went to the movies and I had my journal and somebody like, what are you doing? This is my baby. Yeah. And you never know when I have to write something down.
But really, this is my self -care, my practice. So write no thoughts and clear my thoughts. Yeah. So do you journal? - I do, yes.
So not as often as I used to, but at least weekly, I will journal. And I've been finding a lot of the times now I add notes to my phone.
So just like-- - I'm gonna steal a journal in it. I'm doing notes. - I'm not cool like that. So I need to write. - And I do the post -its. - I know. post -its. If you see my office, I have post -its everywhere of little things or phrases.
And by my bathroom, I actually, you sent me a bunch of questions that I answered. And I have, I've actually said it every single morning,
like setting my intention, ways that I can, you know, spread kindness. - I remember those questions. I don't remember why I gave them to you though.
It was something. - Yeah, probably me preparing for the legacy speech and trying to get, you know, some ideas. So yeah,
that's really helped me every morning. I look at that and it sets my day. So. - I love it. Oh, you make me feel proud. - Yeah, you should feel proud. (laughs) - I should write a guide or something.
- Yeah, you influenced me a lot. I'll have to compile all my notes 'cause, yeah. - So how do you feel about the legacy talk? - I'm feeling really good about it,
actually. If you would have asked me a couple weeks ago, I would not have been confident. I don't know why, but talking about legacy talk,
it just feels so huge to me and it feels like it has to be really important and you can't mess this up or that it's set in stone so for me it was really hard to put on paper or or what not what my legacy is.
I can't wait for you to see my picture. picture because it says my legacy without words. So I'm very excited about it. Oh man. I didn't know that.
I went to Saga too. But for the legacy speech part I met with them last week or the week before and sharing a more vulnerable side to me is definitely more of my voice.
I don't think the you can understand who I am unless you know where I've come from. And I think that the power in that and sharing my story is gonna be my legacy.
I mean, it will make sense why I move the way I move. And I hope the audience appreciates it and feels inspired and yeah,
so I'm feeling good. good. - I always-- - As long as I can remember it. - I always believe people are always attracted to your authenticity and being vulnerable. So even when you talked about diversity day when I spoke,
people kept saying thank you for being vulnerable because our stories are so unique. - Yes. - You're not gonna find someone with the same story as yours.
- Similar. maybe but not the same And I think we become a better leader Inkin impact more people if we just be comfortable with being ourselves. Yeah And I think that's all I was telling you tell your story.
Yeah, it's already You walk in those shoes no one else hasn't and it also allows for like connection for people to they get parts of those stories and they're like,
yeah, I can relate to that and it builds that community. I mean, people that do know my story, they don't, they can't really understand the after peace because they didn't see them before.
And so it's like sometimes when people think, oh, well you have this now and you're this and it's like, yeah, but you didn't see that. 10 years it took me to get there.
- Right. - So, calm down, calm down. - You don't want this. - I'm like, "Let me school you." Are you sure you still want to be in leadership, or you want to do this?
- Exactly. - Let me school you on the rough side of the man, right? - Exactly. - So, and it's also just stopping to recognize that. So many people have a story. And sometimes we don't think,
you know. - We don't. they don't feel as alone in life.
So I think this is, I think this program is amazing. I think this program is gonna not only just transform our community, but transform the globe as it grows,
'cause it's much needed. - Yeah. I mean, this is huge. - I feel like y 'all dealt with a lot of inner work. - Yeah. - And I believe in inner work. - Yes. - As we become.
become more impactful. Yeah. And I think too, for me, just because I'm kind of like a new leader, at least in terms of my career. This group really defined leadership in a way that has not been defined to me or my perception of what leadership is.
So I can only imagine how many people are. going to be standing in line when the next cohort starts. 'Cause it's hard to put into words what it does.
It just is transforming your idea. - Right, 'cause we're never prepared. I remember when you said you got, I guess a point at hire to be a director and you're young.
- Mm -hmm. - And sometimes we get in these positions like, okay, now what? - Yeah. - What am I supposed to do? - What am I supposed to do? Where's my program annual? - Where's the book?
- Yeah, like, you're the one writing it. - Yeah. - And you get to create it and you get to use your skills. - Yeah. - And I think life is easier when you can have a cohort or a group of people you can lean on.
- Yes. - To talk through it. And I always say, my biggest thing, I always... thought, am I crazy? Have I lost my mind that I'm thinking this way? Like, who can I talk to about this?
- So just-- - And there's a relationship. - Yeah, you have the relationships in the network so you can call along your cohort. - And it's like a place too, you can like take your leadership mask off.
You know, you're not my employee or not. You know, you don't work for me you're not my co -worker. And so just a space for us women to share about like experiences and getting tools on our language on how to handle some things.
I think empathy was a huge one. Authenticity, that was another, I always thought it was a weakness to show. Authenticity,
like or vulnerable. vulnerability, but I think that through this cohort it was like it only encouraged that type of leadership.
Yeah. Because people find their connection with you. Yeah. Yeah. So February 3rd,
how are you feeling about it? at this moment? Do you see yourself or are you visualizing yourself? - Yeah, I need to go get an outfit.
'Cause I just don't, if that is right and I feel confident in how I'm dressed and also to not wanting to forget like what I'm gonna say.
- It's easy to practice at home. It's easy to. to, you know, do it with a paper in front of you, but to be in front of a room full of people and be really vulnerable,
I just, yeah, that would probably be the only part I'm nervous about. It's just, I don't want to forget. You won't forget because you never forgot where you came from. That is true.
It might not be. It might not be said exactly that way. You run, you know. Yeah. And that's my I don't write stuff out. - Yeah. - I need to a little bit, but it never goes the way I wanted to go.
And I think people connect with their energy. - Yeah. - In our words, more than how they necessary came out. And how the story was told,
I think it's just something, 'cause they're gonna hang on to that one part that you said. - Mm -hmm. that's going to resonate and they're not going to hear the whole speech. That's just how people are.
Once they find that connection with you, they're locked into that thought and that's all they heard. So like afterwards or I don't know if it's going to be recorded or whatever,
but I mean people will eventually be able to hear it start at asking people, what did you get from that? And you're gonna notice that people say different things. And like, how did you get that?
- Yeah. - It's very interesting how speeches can impact people and what people hear. - Yeah. - It's totally, sometimes it's be totally often what you said,
but they heard that. - Yeah. That's actually good advice. What did you hear from that? - What did you hear? - What did you hear? And you're coming too. I'm coming too.
Yes, yes, yes. It is my birthday weekend, but I'm gonna sacrifice. Oh, wow. It's okay, I'm not going anywhere. I'm still gonna be here. Is it on the Saturday? It's February 2nd.
Okay, this is Friday? Friday. Yeah, Friday. I should know that. I'll be 44 excited. Oh my gosh. But learned a lot, grateful for the time.
grateful for you. - Yeah. - I think grateful for the program, grateful for Catherine and her team and. - We even got to go too.
So shortly after we met, I think it was the first time we met, we went to the Endeavor Summit together. - Right, yeah, I liked you there. - Which was awesome. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, I think back it's been,
there's been a lot that has-- - A lot of going on, yeah. - Yeah. - It's went by fast. - It really did. - It really did. - But I'm thankful for you and just the sacrifice of your time to pour into me and meet with me,
pray for me, send me questions. I think I love one thing that you're so good at is asking questions. - And so. that was another thing that we were you know learning is staying curious and I have a challenge with that like that's something that's not like a skill that I have and you are I mean you excel at it you know how to ask questions so I can't wait for your book to come out it's gonna be a while even it I
can't wait - When it does, but yeah, yeah. - When I do talks and stuff, I always go around the room and I say,
"What is your one word takeaway from the program, from our sessions together, from your sessions with other people?" One word might be hard.
Do you have three words? words that come in mind? - So like the first thing that I thought of was, I am a leader. And I don't think I would have said that confidently.
Like I'm tech, well, in quotes, technically a leader, but like I truly believe I am a leader. So confidence and, grounding from you,
I think grounding and prioritizing my time with him. Those are the main things that now I'm just they are because I see the importance of it.
So yeah, I'm a leader. Congratulations on saying that because a lot of people can't can't say it. And it's taken me a while to say, they show you are a leader. I am a leader 'cause I still wanna be in the background.
- Yeah, yeah. It's hard to balance that of not wanting to be like, and at the same time, just, yeah,
but I am a leader and I think so. throughout this program, it's what I've learned. So once you know that about you, you change, change the world.
Now that you've had an opportunity to learn about Amy's leadership journey, let's listen in as she shares the legacy she wants to leave behind. Imagine it's just one month shy of your 21st birthday.
You've been up all night on a bender and you find yourself in the backseat of your parents car. They are driving for what feels like forever into a new city quietly crying the whole way.
You're a bit tired, annoyed, and you just need a cigarette. Once you arrive, your parents are hugging you tightly, now sobbing, saying they love you and that you'll be fine.
And at this point, you're pleading and begging them not to leave, you've changed your mind, you don't wanna go, but it's too late. They close the door.
and the counselors take you inside and they begin explaining to you that you need to undress and turn over all of your possessions. The next day you wake up,
everything's a blur, you don't know where you are or remember how you got there, you're shaking, sweating, confused, thinking this all just has to be a bad dream but when you look around there are others experiencing the same effects.
All lined up on beds and it finally dawns on you and reality sinks in. You're at a drug rehabilitation center. Can you imagine?
I can because this is part of my story. If you would have told that broken, scared, strung out girl that almost 20 years later. later she'd be standing here speaking to you about her legacy one day.
She would have never believed you. And to be honest, there are still days that I don't. Legacy is built through resiliency, vulnerability,
and intention. Rehab put me back on track. You know, I got clean, I got my head on straight, renewed my faith, and after I left,
I knew that I needed a redirect to move far away from where I was and remove myself from the environment that was no longer serving me. Intention. So,
I moved down to Florida. I had a friend there whose dad built a Doom Buggy race track and he had a job for me if I took the leap. So I moved to the 700 miles to a place I didn't know to start fresh,
to stay clean, and have a second chance at life. It didn't take long for me to realize that I would need a lot more than my dune buggy paycheck to support my fresh start.
So I started to work in the service industry. I was working three jobs and I did that for about five years before I thought to myself, I can't sustain this fresh.
I knew in my heart that I was created for more and for a purpose. So I began praying to God to reveal what my next move would be. I know it sounds crazy,
but I felt him leading me to attend a Christian University in Tennessee. I know what you're thinking. I said the same thing to him, like, "Oh, a recovering addict going to a Bible college in Tennessee." It's pretty laughable where I knew no one and they most likely would not want someone like me there with my history.
But hey I felt like this is this is where I was being called so despite the odds I applied anyway and shockingly they accepted me. All my friends thought I was nuts and even though I couldn't believe I was really going to do this.
I was going no matter what. So I moved to Tennessee in 2014 to pursue my career in human services. The service industry had taught me that I enjoy serving people and so what better way to utilize my natural skills than to make a career out of it.
But the resiliency part of my story isn't finished quite yet. So my junior year, I found out I was pregnant. And because I did not have a husband,
this was a big no -no at the school. I signed the contract and everything. And I just thought after the hell that I have fought through to get here,
I could not believe that I was about to lose my dream of graduating school, just one year short of that degree. that I was about to disappoint my parents yet again and my dream slipping through my fingers.
I knew that my ability to provide for myself and my unborn child depended upon me securing that degree and finishing strong. So the only thing I knew I could do,
and I'm sure you're probably picking this up about me. was to request a meeting with the school board and to be honest and vulnerable and advocate for myself and my child that they would have grace on me and let me graduate.
So to make a long story short, they agreed, not unanimously, but they agreed, that I could finish the rest of that semester online and permitted me to go back after I had my daughter.
So spoiler spoiler alert, I did go back. I did get my degree even in the midst of all of the trials and hardships that come along with being a single mom.
I did it and it wasn't easy. It was really really hard but that is the beauty and strength of my story. That is the beauty of resiliency.
Each person has a story. and had I not told you about mine, you would not have known where I came from, what I had to do and go through to get here.
You wouldn't understand why I value and stress to those around me the importance of being intentional with your choices and why the way you see and treat people matters.
That spreading more kindness and giving grace is crucial and it brings hope. and that showing up with a positive attitude and taking pride in what you do models good character.
We pass by so many people every day, never knowing what they carry. It is my hope that the legacy I am leaving through sharing my story,
that it will serve as a reminder and inspiration that each of us have the power and and choice to impact those around us, that there is power in vulnerability and sharing our stories,
and that you are tough. Live your life authentically and with a purpose. It creates a ripple effect that encourages others to do the same.
And so to start that ripple effect with you, I want to leave you with these words. Be kind, live intentionally,
and in every circumstance, remain resilient. This episode of She Speaks is brought to you by our amazing partners at Shod Companies.
She Speaks is produced, edited, and scored by the very talented Travis Tench at Oak Hill Audio. If you loved the episode you just heard and want to support Let Her Speak's mission of elevating real women's stories, don't forget to follow, subscribe, and share at Let Her Speak USA.
Together, we will make our voices heard.
