She Speaks | A Let Her Speak Podcast
She Speaks | A Let Her Speak Podcast
Owning Your Worth with Rachel Baker & Leslie Batchelor
Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere, and that you were out of your element?
In today’s new episode of the She Speaks Podcast, we hear from Let Her Lead aspiring leader program graduate, Rachel Baker, and her mentor, Leslie Batchelor. When Rachel initially heard back that she had been chosen for the Let Her Lead program, she thought we had mistakenly chosen her — and our team can vouch that it was NOT a mistake!
During their conversation, Rachel and Leslie discuss a lot of hard things on Rachel’s leadership journey, including understanding that we all have internal, inherent worth that external validation cannot touch, learning to believe in yourself, balancing a career and motherhood, and so much more.
Rachel’s fire and passion for her community really comes through during this conversation, as well as her hope for what she wants to accomplish as a leader.
At the end of the episode, Rachel shares her legacy statement, which honors the spirit of her mother and the way she was able to inspire Rachel’s leadership journey by encouraging her to always sparkle and shine, wherever life took her — and that experiencing loss also allows us to experience gratitude.
About Season 2 of the She Speaks Podcast:
Throughout Season 2 we will be featuring the graduates and mentors/coaches in our first cohort of the Let Her Lead program. Each woman you will hear from throughout this season embarked on a 12-week journey in late 2023 to gain new skills and insights to become the leader SHE wants to be.
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Thank You to:
Our sponsor partners: Schaad Companies & Knoxville Entrepreneur Center
Our producer & theme music composer: Travis Tench of Oak Hill Audio
Our brand designer: Maranda Vandergriff of Vagabondary
Our photographers: Javon Renee Portraits, Smoke Signal Photography, Ashley Gurley Photography, and Kara Hudgens Photography
Have any questions, comments, or want to connect more with the Let Her Speak community? Contact us at hello@letherspeakusa.org
You're listening to She Speaks, a Let Her Speak podcast that celebrates women's fearlessness, resiliency, and readiness to change the world. [music] Welcome back everyone to the She Speaks podcast.
This is Catherine Porth, the founder of Let Her Speak. Speak, in case this is your first time joining us. In this episode, we are gonna be hearing from Rachel Baker and Leslie Batchelor.
And Rachel is a graduate of our aspiring leader cohort of the Let Her Lead Program and has been on an amazing journey that I know a lot of you listening will find so much inspiration and motivation from.
Rachel, when we first started the program, she came to me and actually she'll tell you the story herself about the fact that she felt like she did not belong and that she was out of her element.
Every woman was way more advanced than her and somehow Gina and I had made a mistake in accepting her into this program. But what you'll also hear is the evolution of her embracing that she did belong there,
which Gina and I can fully vouch that we did not make a mistake. We absolutely wanted Rachel in this program and we're so glad that by the end of everything,
Rachel has really fully embraced the fact that she is a leader, she is a woman on fire, and that there's so much that she has to give in to this program. much potential which admittedly Gina and I both saw in her and in her application.
She'll be talking with her mentor Leslie and they're going to be going through a lot of the hard things, a lot of these evolution questions that a lot of us all go through on our leadership journey from going from thinking that we need to somebody to tell us the steps to get to where we want to go to,
that somebody else that's more advanced than us, that has more experience than us, must have all the answers and that we just need to listen and have them give us the answers to our biggest questions because we don't know enough to be able to give ourselves that answer to owning up to your strengths and defying imposter syndrome.
And one of the big topics too is understanding that you have inherent worth and that it comes from the inside, not from external validation. So let's listen in as Rachel and Leslie talk about Rachel's leadership journey.
So we were talking about about initial expectations of mentorship the program, but specifically mentorship. Yeah, because I had shared that you know,
trying to Me being me get a sort of vision or plan or structure for what the program would look like what to anticipate And I had thought okay Catherine said you're gonna be paired with a mentor and I had thought okay So the point of that is probably to pair your you with someone who is exactly in your career path,
does your same job, is five steps ahead of you, it's gonna say hi, nice to meet you, here's steps one through five to get to where I am. And I thought, that is perfect, I'm yet, so, and then,
you know, I, when I'm kind of looking around me, who's your mentor, who's your mentor, and you have someone who's a woodworker who is paired with a professional photographer, or someone who's a woodworker, or someone who's a woodworker, or someone who's a woodworker, who's a woodworker, or someone who's a woodworker, or someone who's a woodworker, or someone who's a woodworker, like artsy who was paired with a person in
finance and I was like I think Catherine mix these up maybe or something like what's going on here and we weren't that polar opposites but it was different and so again that readjustment of just the whole how is this gonna work what is gonna be the benefit the relationship relationship dynamic,
how is that going to work? And just again, the theme for I think you and I, but even myself is just the evolution of expectation and how that really evolved and it just being,
like most things very different than what I thought it was going to be, but for the better, 1000%. But yes, it was a, that was a funny discovery. - The phrase, need a clear cut path,
need a clear cut path. I remember that phrase was a lot. - I have no clue what you're talking about. - Tell me the steps, tell me the steps. Just, uh -huh. But I think to your credit and to your development,
you learned early on during the process that, to adjust and to change the perspective. And sometimes you gotta pivot and sometimes you have to flex a bit. And so, good for you,
for your development. it, hanging with it. And it wasn't exactly what you expected. Turns out it was better that happens a lot in life. And you learned a lot about just sometimes step one in leadership is just learning to be flexible.
- And I also remember, 'cause we've spent some time too during our meetings. And this theme comes up all the time in other mentors. mentor circles and other women's leadership, things that get involved in,
but I also remember you making me laugh 'cause you're like, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be here. I don't know how I made it in. - Honestly, yes. - And that is that darn imposter syndrome that we all deal with.
And we talked a lot about that as well. - Yes, and I mean, I said this before, but this is true. This is not a joke. This is not drama,
um, which I can, you know, tap into sometimes, but this is for real. I left the social night one called a friend and said, um,
they like made a mistake. Um, it turns out there was like this point system. If you went to these meetings and I didn't even go to those meetings. So like, obviously.
obviously, these women around me are insane. I mean, in a sense of out of my league, I couldn't even catch their coattails. So like, I'm gonna either tell them they made a mistake or just withdraw my spot.
That was the first thing I think out of my mouth, meeting you like, "Hi, I'm Rachel. "I want you to know I'm not supposed to be here." So just want to put that out there. there before we get started. And again,
that evolution of as well, and I talk about it in my speech, but just the ownership-- Like how did you get there from, I'm not even supposed to be here,
till you finished so strong in the end, that you knew so much about yourself. Like when did you feel yourself starting to say, I do deserve to be here. This is where I belong.
- Well, I love how Catherine structured the program, and I know that was so intentional, just like every part of it. But step one being,
or not step one, excuse me, module one, there was like three sort of overarching themes of getting to know yourself, and then developing these skills, and then ultimately ending in...
wealth and finances, and just again, how important every aspect of that was. But that self work, because again, it's so funny, my expectation versus reality coming into something like that of initially being like,
oh, I'm like the queen of vulnerability, I got this, like this is, I just, you know, we'll just share all these things, and it'll be really great. And then it was this like grueling therapy in this different way. way. That was just so,
I mean, it was a lot of work and not that I didn't think it was gonna take effort, but it was work in such a different way. And so getting to know myself, getting to know how I react and respond to things,
getting to know how you want, just changing that perspective, excuse me, on yourself of. of self -talk and learning.
She did a whole, we did a whole week on teaching other people how to talk about you and just those sort of skills and introspection and leadership and guidance.
And no matter how many times I'm like, "Hey, if you just tell me what to do, that would be so great." And her always saying, "I'm not gonna do that, so you will figure it out." - Yeah. - And ultimately,
yeah, just looking inward and, and reclaiming those and finding, um, being able to, uh, name the things that I'm passionate about and that I'm good at.
Um, I used to not really accept a lot of compliments or, um, again, ownership of those skills, but just the way we got to go through that process,
truly of looking inward, right? it down, sharing it with others, practicing this, reframing it in this way, it was just, in summary,
it was just a combination of so much work looking inward. And of course, knowing from the beginning that we were going to be reflecting and preparing to look at our legacy,
um, as someone who does want sort of an end goal or thing to aim for, really helped me sort of find my way through that, and know what I want for my daughter and the women that come after me,
so. - I remember another topic we discussed a couple times early on, and this is very common among lots of women, so the need to feel your worth through external validation.
Do you think that hard work that you had to do to know yourself and name your strengths and get to know what you claim as your skills, do you think that that helped you get to a spot where you don't need so much external validation to feel good about yourself?
Yes, I and again in that introspective work I I know that I, for example, we didn't necessarily do this activity in the program,
but knowing that words of affirmation is my number one love language, for example. So I do know that I value that. And it is helpful to me,
but I don't have to require it to make a decision or a good decision or, or for someone to make that decision for me or to know that about me.
I don't require it. You know what I mean? As much as I did and I talk about that too of like I literally required like I need water and air to breathe like I need you to tell me like what the next step is.
I am incapable of that. I am paralyzed without it. And so I no longer... longer require that. I now appreciate it and will take it. And I think that will always be a part of me,
just like in my cellular makeup. Like, I value that and I'll never turn down a nice compliment or something, or input maybe.
I value others' input. But I can trust myself. And I can take step one. you know, in that way on my own. I think also what you just said about,
"Now I know me so well and I've learned what my skills are and what I'm confident and good at," I think that also helped relieve the thing you had early on of as soon as I get this title with these special words in them,
then I'll have made my place and I'll know my worth and like that's my mark is I need to have this attached to my name. and then I found through the sessions you sort of abandoned that concept as well.
Yes and that was I mean we talked about that for weeks like you know each session of course has a prompt related to whatever module we're on but that was something I or we just kept going back to naturally because it did it was so I was so um trapped in that like quicksand you know.
like could not like get out of it. And, you know, you talked a lot about like, we'll give yourself the title you want. You know, it doesn't have to be given to you by this superior above you next on the hierarchy chain.
Like that's not, it doesn't have to be this way. These are the things you do. These are the things you're good at. And this is how we're gonna... gonna say you've arrived. It doesn't have to be,
I remember specifically us talking about how it doesn't have to be like, can't think of the verb I want to use, but like bestowed upon you or something,
you know what I mean? Where I was just like, again, this just authority complex that I've struggled with forever of like, the person with this title or again, this many steps ahead of me,
automatically inherently knows better. than me is more talented than me they don't have to be but just because they hold that thing absolutely yes and we just sure broke that down and in turn broke down that thing in me again that was so stuck on that and I think was debilitating yeah and I think it held you back for sure like yeah so much so we talked about that yeah a lot but it was all necessary you know I
think it was great work And I think that's where you really grew and developed. Yeah, was just kind of freeing yourself of that Confine of thinking that yeah, I don't have this that I'm not there. Yes And another thing I I know we talked a little bit about too was on the topic of evolution of expectations not that you didn't Guide me or mentor me professionally so many many takeaways from that in those conversations,
but this feels very on brand to me, but naturally things would lead to personal conversations. That's just kind of where everything goes.
I feel like I can't help it sometimes. And again, I know we touched on it last week a little bit, but just the, you know, we would talk about, we'd spend 45 minutes.
on, how did you, what was the first time it was like when you asked for a raise? And how did you get to here? And when was your first time in a leadership position? And then we'd have some time left and I would say,
and how did you do it with two young children? And it would just, it would just naturally, you know, - It's all part of the experience. - Yes. And I think, again, that was honestly, and I've said it before, but I hope this is nothing but a compliment.
My biggest takeaway of, of, and I believe everything down to super small, silly, simple details happens very on purpose.
I just believe that for the whole makeup of my life. And I think that that was mine for you in that super on purpose pairing, if for nothing else,
there weren't many other things, but if for nothing else, just like, here's this woman who did the things I want to do. with these young children setbacks. We talked about those unexpected twists and turns,
losses, failure, and moving forward anyway. And again, doing it, being a mom, because we often talked about feeling that need to choose and be really good at one,
but then you have to set the other down. No, you can't give half of yourself to both of them. That's just a waste of like, you know, pick one and give it all. And so naturally,
you know, you're going to have to set some things down and just saying, I don't believe that and I don't agree with it. And I'm actually going to be really good at both and do them both. It can be done. I love that.
That was really critical for me, again, as someone who has not had a ton of... um, female role models or mentors who,
um, I've had a lot of people pour into my life, but in that way of, um, here's exactly, that's really funny. I didn't even, the first thing we said of,
um, in this conversation of thinking that it was supposed to be someone who is exactly five steps ahead of you, and we may not have the same job, but you, you are steps ahead of me. With, um,
being a worker. woman I want to be and where I want to be. So that's kind of, feels full circle. That is pretty cool. And I think that all women and younger women,
when I see them coming up, there's so much pressure if you're going to both have a career and have a child. And I feel, it makes me sad that women carry that burden,
but you'll never hear a male described as a working. working dad and I just don't think they have those internal conflicts the way women do and I don't think a man who has children and goes to work full -time for the next 30 years zero judgment that's no one blinks an eye but if you do that as a mother it's well shouldn't you be home and then if you're home you're judged for well don't why don't you have a career
is all you do is stay home yeah and I think there's room in the world for all of it. Both types, all career paths, all types of journeys. You can be home full -time for a while.
You can go have a career. You can step back. - And then you can change your mind. - You're allowed. - Or do it again? - Yes. And everybody has choices and we all should be allowed those choices with zero judgment and zero pressure on ourselves.
- Yeah, that's so funny. That's just the, no, that's not even a term working. working dad. No, that's not even a term for dad guilt. Have you heard of mom? No, there's no dad.
No, no, no, that's so funny. My, um, the first year actually that my daughter was born, um, my husband stayed home with her and are at the time he was four. Now he's six and she's two, um,
but she's a newborn and he's four. And he stayed home for the first full year, um, not super on purpose. We abruptly lost childcare and then we kind of looked at each other. other and he said, "Well, no question,
like I'm staying home." You know, we just knew each other and our gifts. And he just, you know, so that was two years ago. He just told me for the first time this week, this story actually,
that he was at the grocery store pushing them both in the cart and some, you know, older person said, "Oh, well, where's mom? "Why is mom not with the kids?" And he said, "She's off making us some money." And they were like,
"Uh, what?" - They didn't really, they were kind of just, - Were they aghast? - Yeah, they were like, "That's not, that's not a computer." - No, okay, bye. Sorry, I asked that, so it's just funny. And I've loved getting to,
'cause again, I'm working through that with a lot of my friends and peers at this lateral level where we've linked arms, but I just really don't have a lot of personal people in my corner who are,
a little bit of a head. Here's how I got, I mean, your kiddos are in their early 20s, right? - Yep. - Yes. And so I'm two and six. And it also felt very only validating,
not anything other than validating, but you said, "And how old are your kids?" When we first, and I said two and six, and you said, "Oh." You know, it was just that, and I was like, "You're still in the dirt." - That's right. - "You're still in the dirt." So,
you know, and just like the, like I see you. and here I am on the other side and that just was so perfect for me and the place I'm at and the way I needed to see through the weeds.
That's good. So, yeah. Well, it should be the norm but not the exception, so hopefully someday we'll all get there. I know. I agree. What other themes or modules resonated with you?
or what were ones that weren't as-- - Oh, yes, so also speaking of validation, I loved too when we got to the finance module, which was my least favorite.
- Yes, we all were that. - Yep, yep. - No, I really, I didn't think of it, yeah. Because I avoid that,
so I didn't really wanna talk about it or dig deep. deep into it. And just sharing that with you of I, you know, I truly don't,
I mean, we, it's hard to pick a starting thought, but we just explored so many different aspects of finances and wealth. And I mean, we could, she could have done the whole 12 weeks on it,
you know, or a year. It's, there's a lot to get into. But the ways that we explored that that and learned about it and just, I know a lot of the girls are women in my cohort and in the other ones,
you know, their eye on the prize is incredible financial success. And I love that for them. And I think that's the whole point is that to root each other on, no matter if we're in different lanes or spaces or what have you,
but feeling a little, I guess insecure, maybe, like, would you say, like, That I was like, hey. - You were uncomfortable. - Yeah, and I'm like, I'm in non -profit and not saying that that,
not to limit myself or put myself in a box, but I prefer to label it like a realistic outlook. And I'm like, I'm not in this for like the big bucks,
but I do want to sort of... of Regardless of my end goal for that I do need to look at it where I am now and make a plan and dig a little deeper and be a little wiser But it was just really validating to have those conversations with you as well of like I Mean you remember I do I wrote down some of your comments for that one Oh,
let's because here's this to me was like a growth moment for you because your exact words for me We're like this was icky. I didn't like it. I was uncomfortable And you said,
"Normally, I would stick my head in the sand "and disengage, but I stuck with it, and I did one thing." - I did, and I was really proud of myself. - That to me was,
"Hey, whatever the one thing was," you said, "I'm gonna dig in, I'm gonna stay here. "I don't like it all, but I took one thing "that they said to do it,
and I did it." And I thought that was a huge moment for you to be here. everybody wants to turn away from the thing that makes them uncomfortable. Yes, I was just going to say, I'm sure there were other girls who-- like the introspective,
feelings -y modules-- I mean, I'm just eating that up with a spoon, and they're probably dying in their chair. And then finances, they're like, let's go. This is my thing. And that's where I'm wanting to evaporate. So yes,
that was big for me, too. I mean, this is also not a joke. My dad, endearingly-- endearingly growing up, he served for me as an ostrich because they stick their head in the sand,
you know? He's like, "That's just what you do." You're like, "Oop, I'm out." And yes, and I wanted to. I told Catherine and the whole group this. She gave us a homework assignment one week and I said, "I'm just gonna bluff "and say I did it and I did it." I mean,
truly. But I was like, "It is a disservice to me, "to Catherine, to these women, I have to do it." Rachel, you can't. can't, let's just, and again, it doesn't have to be,
I don't have to go, you know, invest in something or open some account. - No, but you stuck with it. - But yes, I took a step, and that felt good. - That was huge. - And I went in and told the girls,
I was like, you know, hey, like, silence, like everyone, I need to share something really big with you. Like, I downloaded an app, and it was just like, you know, like. I had won an Oscar or something,
but it felt that way. - It was a stuff. - And that's what I loved too. They were all, I mean, you know, and they were championing me like I had won an Oscar or whatever. So that was just, it's been a lot,
but good, you know, and growth, a lot of growth. - Lot of growth. - Yes, which I also resist pretty naturally too. - Well, sometimes it's uncomfortable, sometimes it hurts.
- Mm -hmm. Yeah. My comfort zone, uh, is my favorite place. So for many of us, but I think watching you through the whole journey and seeing you kind of have your aha moments and let go of certain expectations,
but embrace others. You probably don't remember this one either, but I wrote it down. Um, one of our last few sessions. You said you can't. across a quote and it resonated with you,
and I thought that it perfectly described how you went through this, so I wrote that one down. And the quote you said that caught you and touched you was, "The old me whispered maybe,
"and the new me shouted yes." - Oh yes, I forgot about that. I'm so glad you wrote that down. That is so, I think that could summarize the whole thing. thing. - Yes,
like, yes. - Yes. Yeah, and it's, again, I talk about it in my legacy as well, but feeling like, yeah, like you're, we notice you,
but I mean, you're not, like, it's not anything of, not importance, but, you know,
just, it's, it's, it's here. but almost, you know, like always, that's just how it's always felt like. I mean, kind of, but again, I like literally, I also said this too,
maybe first or second week, I also shared with my cohort that anecdote of calling a friend in the car like, oh my gosh,
this is so embarrassing for me. They made a mistake, you know, and I was supposed to be here. And I remember telling them, after sharing that with them, because even it's just funny too, like, "Hi, I've never met you,
I'm going to, you know, just share this thing with you." But just saying also, I was like, "Hey, you all know that Alicia Keys song, This Girl Is On Fire?" And I said,
"Y 'all are on fire. By proxy, I'm just going to kind of inhale some fumes and like get some greatness via osmosis." But like, I'm not, you know, I'm not.
not on fire, so it just is, it is so, not that anymore, and what a gift that has been. - Yeah, I would say you've arrived.
- Yeah, I think so. - I had the opportunity to hear your legacy speech, so I got a preview, which I was super mad at you, 'cause you made me cry. I had that effect.
- But the thing that struck me about it mostly was that with or without trying, you found a way to pull on everything through the entire program and tie it all together and put it in this beautifully packaged boat with a bow on top.
Whether that was on purpose or not, that nope, it struck me. that almost like every meeting we've had led you to that legacy speech and without you know I know you're going to read it and and all the details are in it but take a minute now even if you didn't realize it before.
How did your evolution in the program of starting where you didn't think you're supposed to be here to finishing strong and realizing that you are on fire. How did that evolution of not just expectations,
but really everything throughout this whole process. Again, I'm applying for this program. It's asking some questions of what do you think you could gain from this?
What are you hoping to accomplish? Where do you need support? I mean, truly, I was like, okay, we go into this, we get a grant, we finish. I'm currently a program coordinator. My goal is to be a better program coordinator.
She's gonna help me with this job I have now. now. I'm going to get this grant. I'm going to then maybe get a certification that'll beef up my LinkedIn. And it'll all be great time.
It all happens. Yes. And it just is so funny how it's not that at all. And I love that so much. I was telling your friend the other day who-- because it's funny,
if you're not in the program, I've-- every one of my life has been like-- "So, like, what is it?" And I just said, and they were asking me, "Similarly, what do you think you got out of it the most?" And I said, "I used to never dream.
That's not a natural tendency for me. It feels safe and self -preserving to not dream, and to, again, look at things pessimistically or how I lovingly say realistically and just say,
"So, like, what do you think you got out of it the most?" again, it's all just self -preservation for this anxious person. Um, and I, I said, I just, again, knew I had some skills.
I'm never, uh, proclaimed to be totally talentless or, or, or I'm not worth anything. It just always felt like we kind of touched on a little bit.
Um, you have a few things, but it's just kind of here or here's like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, or like your ceiling, just like recognize your ceiling,
you know? Like don't think you're not, and just kind of to contain it that way. And again, it's so that I don't dream big so that I don't get my hopes up. - You don't get disappointed. - Yes. And I have was telling her that is, is where I came into it from.
And, and now I literally believe I could do anything. And that sounds like, honestly, it sounds kind of lame to say out loud. - That is not lame. - But I was like, I am going to do something big,
and it doesn't have to be that for everyone. You don't have to do this big, tangible, world -renowned accomplishment for it to be important. I hope that's not what's heard,
but for me, I know that it's going to be something big from changing, you know, laws. to opening other organizations to challenging things that matter to me because,
um, I always believed in those causes and had those values, but never believed that I could, um, really do anything about it or anything worthwhile. Um, and just to champion them in a,
in a different small way. Um, but to know now, um, that that's just so not true. And I was, something I told Catherine too, that through all this introspection,
like I have limited myself more than anyone in my life. Isn't that amazing? And we're just, you know, we're just not going to do that anymore.
So, you know, I just, I believe it. I would hear, I think that's if I could boil it all down. I could hear all these things from other people. even people I valued so much,
and I would think that that was kind or whatever for them to share or attempt to validate, but I just was like, it's not true. That's so nice of you,
but you are, you're kind of foolish, you know what I mean? For like, let's just be real. And it, and yeah, and it, it's just not that anymore.
So, and I don't even know what it's going to be. And, you know, with a twitching eye, I say, that's okay. You don't have to know. But it will, you know, be something.
So that's where we're at right now. - That's the best we could have gotten. All right, well, it's been a true honor and pleasure working with you and watching you grow and getting to know you as a person and a leader.
(upbeat music) a mother and someone with a whole lot of untapped potential. I know you're going to do great things. Well, again, thank you so much. That is, um, just,
uh, not ever a dynamic or, um, input in my life that I had really received before, um, and needed so much and kind of felt,
you know, lost stumbling around looking for that. And so I just appreciate your time. You see me, which I think is, you know,
something I value a lot and I really try to do for others is to not just be fleeting or insincere, but like,
I really see you. And so, And I think that speaks to who you are too, because we did that all through a Zoom screen. - I know. (laughs) - So, it just, you know, was meant to be, and I'm really grateful,
so thank you. - Yeah, you're welcome. - Yeah. (gentle music) - Now that you've had an opportunity to learn about Rachel's leadership journey,
let's listen in as she shares shares the legacy she wants to leave behind. Mother was comfort.
Mother was home. A girl who lost her mother was suddenly a tiny boat on an angry ocean. Some boats eventually floated ashore and some boats, like me,
seemed to float farther and farther from land. land. Ruta septis, salt to the sea. It's not lost on me that today has fallen at the beginning of Bambi Week. A term known by anyone who knew my mom,
Bambi Hughes, as the week of both her passing and birthday. Throughout most of our Let Her Lead experience, I was unsure which direction to pursue in mapping out my legacy.
But it all came into focus as soon as I found out the date this year. program was set to culminate was the same exact time of year I annually honor my mom, the woman whose legacy first set mind into motion.
I was 12 years old, just a few weeks shy of my 13th birthday when my own mother passed away unexpectedly. Arguably the most formidable, critical, and grueling time in a earth biologically designed to guide me and hold my hand through this time,
to show me the way through, to tell me it was going to be okay, because she too had walked this exact path once before. But in a moment, one singular moment,
she was gone, like a vapor. I felt my boat drifting off its course without her. How was I supposed to know where to go? what to do, or who to be without my captain,
without my mom? The next several years were the journey of a small, scared little girl, diligently trying her best to navigate whatever came next.
Puberty, first love, first heartbreak, first friendship breakup. When I think of those formative years, I picture a small young girl just chopping her way through a dense jungle,
not knowing what was coming, barely even big enough, or physically capable, her hands trembling as she did so, but doing it anyway. One of the things I struggled with most from then until now was how to define everything,
my identity, my version of success, my place in the workforce, then ultimately my place as a working mother, everything. I struggled for years yearning and requiring a clear path or directive title to give me insight on who I am.
I longed for that direction so badly to show me what steps to take to be sure I wouldn't waste any time to ensure I was always doing the right thing.
I felt felt so torn because I couldn't decide who I was. I was sometimes a quiet girl in the corner and sometimes I was the life of the party. I mean,
I'm the girl covered in tattoos that also cries at dog food commercials because they're just so beautiful. And for as long as I can remember, I have felt like I have two very different conflicting sides to me.
But what I learned is I can be multifaceted. I can be complex. I can be professional and emotional. I can be strong and sensitive.
I do not have to choose. And one is not superior to the other. I don't want my daughter or any woman that comes after me to ever feel the need to choose. Something happened to me recently that was so affirming of this.
One of my very best friends in the world did something so incredible for me. No one has ever done anything like this. She traveled all over interviewing everyone she could that knew my mom,
and she captured their stories. They told funny anecdotes, cute bambi -isms, but even more so, it gave me such a life -giving insight to my mom.
Like finding an old person. piece under the couch that you've been searching for for 30 years. Only the puzzle is your identity and the piece is getting reintroduced to your own mother. In said video,
one of my mom's best friends, Lori, shares, and this is a direct quote, "Vambi was a walking dichotomy, a brilliant airhead. She could discover the solution for world hunger,
then go and push on a door that said pull." pull. She was the bravest person I knew. She was scared and did it anyway. I suddenly felt such pride and ownership in my newfound branding of a walking dichotomy because it came from her.
And that is what this most recent season has been for me, a season of ownership. Qualities I used to be unsure of, diminish, or push down, I own. I am proud of them. I'm proud of me.
me. I used to use the analogy that it was like I had made it to the NBA or whatever type of professional sport speaks to you. But I was only ever sitting on the bench.
Like I was talented enough to have been noticed, but not enough to play. Like I have skills, but nothing noteworthy, nothing special. The very first week of the program,
Catherine said, "Don't be the first person to tell yourself no. Other people will tell you enough. Don't be one of them." So instead of telling you all the things I'm not, I'll tell you a few things I am.
I am an authentic person and friend that fosters safe environments for those around me to be their true as self, aka glimmers of true magic. I am a changemaker,
a disruptor, a truth seeker, and a truth speaker. speaker. I serve my family, my community, the forgotten, the neglected, the least of these. I serve those I love and those I don't.
I serve anyone who needs or wants to feel seen. I am empathetic, passionate, persistent, loyal, and fierce. And that is who I want my daughter to see when she looks in the mirror into her own eyes as she begins to put her puzzle pieces together.
Everyone who knows me knows I love my birthday to an obnoxious degree. I love sparkles, dancing, food, and any excuse to have fun with the people I love.
But it's not ultimately about that. It is about celebrating life. Really celebrating, acknowledging the actual miracle that we are here.
Another day, another year. Because of the loss I've experienced, I feel that gratitude for life in my bones. It's the reason I love out loud,
why I want to take any and every experience and make it over the top. So I hope as you leave here today, you take some Bambi with you. In her honor and in honor of all the powerful women that have come before us.
Go drink a Diet Coke. Paint your nails bright red. Snap a quick witted joke at every given opportunity. Eat a plate of nachos till you physically can't keep going anymore.
Sing in sync in the car at the top of your lungs with your daughter or best friend. I also hope you'll take some Rachel with you. I hope you cheer your friends on so so hard.
I hope you gasp loudly and clap aggressively when you hear a great story. I hope you are unapologetically you. I hope you speak truth and push back against injustice every time you see it.
I hope you do the right thing even when it's hard. I hope you bring glittery joy to every room you enter because I do and I'm going to change the world even if it's just my own.
own This episode of she speaks is brought to you by our amazing partners at shod companies She speaks is produced edited and and scored by the very talented Travis Tench at Oak Hill Audio.
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